Saturday, July 4, 2009

and now for something completely different.

squick warning, if you're grossed out easily, you may want to pass over the next paragraph.

completely different and sucky. so, i've had a boil (or abscess, whatever you want to call it) on my right leg for some time now. I get them from time to time, they're usually not a big deal, although very painful. I got one about 3-4 months ago that refused to fully drain and go away (I know, squick, right?) It'd get big, get small, get big, whatever. Well, I had spent a day taking echinacea to head off what I felt could possibly be an oncoming bout of nastiness, as I felt feverish and yucky. The next day, the boil proceeded to become very, very large. and very painful. (echinacea, I feel, definitely contributed to it's growth. My immune system was like, okay, screw this nonsense, we're just gonna push this mess right outta here.) I couldn't wear pants, couldn't sit, couldn't walk, it was ridiculous. So, I went to my friendly MD and had her cut it open. (Squick again.) Because of the location, it's extremely hard to find a good way to tape it. Plus, the skin is incredibly sensitive, and hey, I can never get it taped without pulling out some short n curlies. This was Thursday. By now, the skin where the paper tape has been applied and reapplied is red, raw, angry, and very, very painful. (The abscess looks fine, though, so it's not some kind of spreading infection.) With limited options for taping, I hobbled to the pharmacy, got GIGANTIC surgical pads in hopes of covering the entire raw area in addition to the abscess, and some of that "it sticks to itself not to your skin" style of tape. Kind of like an ace bandage. Proceeded to wrap the entirety of the top of my thigh in it. I feel totally ridiculous, but at least my skin doesn't sting as bad. I would probably call the on-call doc and ask about when i can stop covering it up, but it's the 4th of July and I'm not dying of any complications, so that feels a little frivolous.

Anyway... in the garden. Wes and I finally waged war on the back yard today. I hoed the long bed that was overrun with weeds, yanked weeds out of the boxes, Wes cut back the weed mayhem and grapevine disaster along the side of the house, and I gave some plants a haircut, pulled out the arugula that was way past edible, and in general, cleaned everything up. I now have grape leaves to brine, I need to get the kale & chard at least partially harvested and blanched and put up, same goes for the green & yellow beans.

One disaster has befallen us so far - we had one beautiful delicious looking purple pepper that we were anxiously awaiting. It was just about done. Today I found it over by the fence, all clawed up and gnawed on. Some woodland creature BASTARD stole my pepper. I know that the animals have to eat, too, and our garden is a sitting duck, but cmon. First all the strawberries and then my pepper? :/

Another thing I don't love is the bugs. Holy bejesus if I were a landscaper I'd have already died of DEET poisoning. Being bitten by mosquitoes can send me into endless fits of "omg what if I contracted equine encephalitis..." I know I let my imagination run away with me, but I've had so many health issues over the last year, dying of some weird disease due to a bug or spider bite is a scary thought.

In good news, I put up my first batch of jam. Mulberry jam, to be exact. It's deeeelicious. And I did it all by myself. :D We harvested the mulberries out of the back yard. I was going to do the strawberry rhubarb jam tonight, but it's looking like that's not going to happen. My first priority is dinner (a delicious squash blossom frittata, which I should probably already have started on), and then dessert (gluten free brownies with gluten free frosting), because being around so many delicious home made treats that I couldn't have last night at my dad's party pissed me off. So, when we went to the store to pick some stuff up for dinner and some stuff for jam making (CRAP I FORGOT THE SUGAR), I saw some gluten free treat mixes and was like, BINGO! I get back to the cart and Wes is all, what's this crap? After he had just offered me a donut he and Andrew were sharing. If looks could kill...he looks at me shooting daggers at him with my eyes, and goes "what?" and then it dawns on him that I can't have any and he's all, oh, sorry.

The treats aren't even the worst. The worst is the beer. I miss it. I miss Huma Lupa Licious, which is currently on sale. I miss being able to sample Wes's home brew. I get to smell them, sure, but it's not the same. A glass of wine does not satisfy, and a mixed drink does not sound appealing. It's the harsh, bitter beer that I crave. Oh well.

Time to make that frittata. And brine those grape leaves. And make the brownies. And think about all the stuff I have to do tomorrow (make jam, harvest veggies & put up, do some homework, harvest and tincture some motherwort in the back yard). Oh! Later, I'l post pictures from our recent garden & field & woods adventures. Scout's honor.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

food and medicine.

For someone incredibly lazy and out of shape, I sure did a lot of physical activity this weekend. Friday ended early, and I got to go out to Proud Lake with Wes, who had already been all over Ortonville Rec and was hot, sweaty, smelly, and scratched to hell. It's funny how it ends up with us, he's looking for mushrooms, I'm looking for plants, so one of us is always waiting (slightly impatiently) for the other one. We went in the back way, parked by some rocks, and not ten feet from where we parked was a giant clump of exactly what I'd been looking for - monotropa uniflora. A strong sedative, nervine, antispasmodic, as well as for "sore eyes". (Funny how so many of the tinctures on hand are sedative and nervine...) I've also heard (read) it is a strong pain reliever, and have seen anecdotal accounts of it used for shingles, severe muscular pain, and other extremely painful conditions.

I had Wes take a picture of me lovingly cradling this beautiful and amazing plant as I carefully dug it out of the ground (it bruises badly very easily, much like mushrooms), but the only thing he got a shot of was my cleavage. *grumble* actually, several shots.

Speaking of bruising like mushrooms, indian pipe is epiparasitic to the family russulacae, so...lactarius and russulas, from what i understand. that's so wicked.

We walked around after I quickly tinctured it, found some chantrelle pins, a couple of chantrelles, and what we believe to be a blewit. Also, an old hericium?? How could that have survived the winter?! It's not the right season for hericiums. There was also pink wolf's milk slime, which was fun to play with, and some stinkhorn corpses. I harvested about 2 ounces of fresh hepatica triloba, which is mildly astringent and mucilaginous. Wait a minute... *looks around* where'd my big ol bag of liverwort go? I'll hurt someone if they threw it out.

After that, it was out to cass benton for some ill fated disc golfing, because my buddy (whose AMAZING psychology for dummies blog can be found here) lost his disc, and then we had to pick up my roommate and take him to work. we drove by a fire department training session on the way home, only I didn't know that's what it was, all I saw was this huge conflagration, thought it was someones home, and nearly burst into tears. Haha.

Saturday it was off to class, and jesus lord. When my teacher says up hill and down dale, he's not kidding. It felt like 100 degrees out, brightly sunny, and he's trucking along up and down big ol hills. I felt my out-of-shape-ness then, very much, and was quite embarrassed.

Something interesting happened though. A classmate was talking about something one of her family members is afflicted with called dufresne's disease. And I had a little mental spasm, mimicked a contracture with my hand, and then totally interrupted my teacher (like the ass that I am). Wait, that produces contractures, doesn't it? Du-fray-ns. Yeah. So my teacher goes, OHHH, trigger finger! And then starts explaining to her what happens in the disease and the best course of action. I just thought that was really flippin weird, on my part. I've never had Dufresne's, nor known anyone who did. I have a vague recollection of learning about it in massage school (good god I loved pathology, was my favorite class and still is), and it was neat how my body accessed that memory, like my hand involuntarily was like, hey, contracture. Makes sense though - kinesthetic learner accesses memories kinesthetically. go figure.

Sunday was strawberry picking day with my sister, so we rounded Andrew up, threw him in the car, and headed to Ann Arbor for pickins. It was hot, it was tiring, we were hardly finding any strawberries. End of the season, everything's picked over. And this was just the first twenty minutes. My sister and I moved to greener pastures, ie snap peas, which were easy, and we could sit in the dirt and gossip while harvesting. Wes utilized his best wildman talents, moving down rows with the speed and ease of someone who often forages and finds delicious mushrooms and interesting things. I was shocked when he wound up pulling about 8 pounds of strawberries out of said plants. Took me a couple of hours to wash and hull them last night, with help.

in the vein of reading politically charged books on food, i started on animal, vegetable, miracle by barbara kingsolver. it's pretty good, i'm perhaps a third in and i started yesterday. i went up to the vitamin shoppe on lunch to grab some elecampane tincture, of which they were out, but one of my favorite parts about going there are these delcious fruit and nut abominations of granola bars. they're gluten free and delicious, my favorite being almond and coconut. as i was driving home, i happened to glance at the label...it was from australia. i munched guiltily the rest of the way home. here i am reading about a woman who makes her family eat only things which can be had from their county for a year, and i'm eating something flown in from australia. *cringe*

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

in which i am inspired.

re: the garden. mary, mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? certainly not with silverbells, but with lots of stuff popping up. (and yes, i'm certainly quite contrary).

i don't understand why i can't seem to do right by my spinach. this is the second year in a row we have had some sad ass spinach. but! the beet greens are coming along splendidly, and i do so love them. we've been harvesting lettuce and beet greens, and of course my arugula bolted. everything is growing nicely, and i can say i have yet again failed as a gardener, because jesus, those squash plants are crowding everything else in the bed. i mean, i knew they would, but still... our kale & chard is looking good, but the broccoli is looking sad, and we lost another watermelon plant. we had some good rains last weekend, and two of my large evening primrose plants decided to collapse. weird. never seen it before. so we staked 'em. ugh, the weeding. my in ground bed has been taken over something fierce with grass. i could weed all week and still have some left. i need to go get a hoe and see if i can somehow manage to hoe some of the weeds and not have to pull them by hand.

other good things this week: bought a pair of keen targee II hiking boots at the REI garage sale. original price? $125. paid? $10. the seam ripped on one side, nothing some shoe goo won't fix. hopefully quickly, as i have a hike coming on saturday and we're supposed to have some nasty weather. haven't decided if i'll go or not if we do happen to have nasty weather. survey says, if we're at a high chance of nasty thunderstorms, i'll be passing that one up, which is really disappointing; not only do i really want to be on that hike, but i've paid a good amount of money for the ongoing intensive. stupid thunderstorms. stupid anxiety.

stopped eating wheat...when? not last week. the week before. so, i'm in week three of no wheat, i think as of today. i've eaten plenty of gluten free bread, though (couple of slices in the morning, and sometimes a mid afternoon sandwich). :/ and some brown rice pasta. it's not terrible. i feel pretty good, actually. now, in another week and a half, i'm going to add it back in and see how i feel. i'm thinking my first wheat containing meal will be four cheese agnolotti with freshly snipped basil from the garden, some nice fruity olive oil, and cracked black pepper. holy crap, that sounds incredible.

sinus infection is officially old news. in the end, i did opt for stronger antibiotics on top of facial steams, nasal irrigation with a variety of tinctures, positional drainage, etc. i had been taking some astragalus, but stopped taking everything when i began a round of omnicef. it has worked well in the past with little to no side effects, and kicked the shit out of the severe sinus infection i had last fall that would. not. die. now that i'm done with those, i'm taking a bromelain sinus ease nutraceutical (which i normally detest, but i'm terrified of it coming back), the usual gaba glutamate balancer, and astragalus, over the short term. i have not been taking my vitamins. i heartily dislike the vitamins i have, and think i'm going to re-order the deva vegan ones. the ones i have now make my stomach hurt, and they make me feel weird.

last night was a rare night indeed. roommate didn't have to work (and thus didn't need a ride), and went out with friends, so wes and i had the house to ourselves, and had a quiet evening, the likes of which we haven't seen since...january? february? we sat out on the porch, he with a glass of home brew, me with a glass of delicious red wine he picked up for me, and talked about what we want out of life, what we'd like to try our hand at, what our goals are. it's really neat to see how far we've come from where we were two years ago, when everything was falling apart. we're headed for the country. i don't know if that's upper middle class suburban conceit that makes us want to be back-to-the-landers, or if it's something deeper than that. in any case, we're working on a plan.

ordered the rest of the crap i need to do some water bath canning, finally. i'll be making mulberry jam and strawberry jam next week/weekend, so if you know me, don't be surprised if i push some off on you. i can't believe i waited so long. we'll be picking strawberries with my sister on sunday. my kiddo's coming, too. :)

wes will be getting his turkey hunting permit next month. he's talking about deer hunting again too, and there's something strange and wild in his eyes when he talks about it. it's not blood lust, per se, but there is something so organic and earthy about doing it yourself, and wanting to take part in the cycle of life, death, and rebirth (as a delicious meal). as a former vegetarian, i'm a little appalled at myself that i'm encouraging this sort of behavior, but something has changed in me, and i'm not quite sure what it is.

finally finished the omnivore's dilemma. holy crap, how did i ever put that book down? i had gotten about 60 pages in, and abandoned it (don't ask me why). finished reading the last 200-300 odd pages over 3 days, it was so good. highly recommended.

and in inspirational news, hobby farms is about to put out a magazine aimed at the urban (and suburban) crowd looking to do some urban homesteading. it's called (how appropriate) urban farming. i'm excited. now if i could just get a couple of chickens into the back yard without getting busted by the city....(it's illegal unless there's 175 feet between your birds and your neighbors house, and our WHOLE LOT is 120 x 60)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

it's not funny. okay, it totally is.

so, a couple of years ago, i bit the bullet and bought a prius. it was a good idea at the time, because both my husband and i drive all over hell's half acre for work, and we used to love road trips. i've been working at home since last september, and going into the office maybe twice a month. we get great gas mileage, and the car did well in the snow until the tires went bald. it's been almost two full years, and i have few complaints, until now.

wes lost my car keys. both of them. gone. we ended up having to pay $400 to get one replaced. AND my car had to be towed in. AND it had to be dragged down the driveway and up onto the truck, because there is no way to override the car and put it in neutral without the key. AND i had to sign a damage waiver for that. and in a bitter twist (which i knew was coming) he found the car key this morning. a week later. that earned an " i hate you" from me. (i don't, really, but it's not like we had $400 to throw away.)

anyway....

what have i learned this week?

my vegetables are growing....slowly. one of my kale plants bit the dust. ditto on one of my watermelon plants. saw what a garden is SUPPOSED to look like, instead of our hap hazard collection of disaster. in a month, those beds are going to be overgrown and probably overcrowded. went out to my friend's parents property, spent awhile in their back 40. harvested wild geranium and solomon's seal. ah! that's what i learned... solomon's seal root can look very, very different. i emailed my teacher (mentor??) about it, and he was like, i've seen them thin as a cocktail straw and thick as my fingers, don't know why they're different. anyway, i was under the impression that solomon's seal wasn't widespread. boy, was i wrong. i really need to get more familiar with jewelweed. i'm pretty sure i saw quite a bit, and that would've been useful to harvest, since my father in law has poison ivy. wes also found the first of this year's oyster mushrooms.

and we walked several miles. which is good, because i'm lazy.

i'm really, truly starting to suspect a wheat allergy in myself. lots of beer=return of the sinus infection. which, you know, could also be lots of sugar=kills the immune system, which was running at a low clip anyway. but it seems suspect i have such bad sinus problems, get infections easily, and have some other issues which could possibly be related. i'm rampantly addicted to bread and pasta though. :( i made it about a week without and wanted to kill myself. or someone else. maybe, over the short term, using "substitute" products like gluten free bread and brown rice pasta, and then switching more to a protein based diet...

also pressed out violet leaf tincture and nettle seed tincture this weekend. put up lemon balm & sage tinctures, and i'm wondering how in the hell anyone manages to tincture ANYTHING fresh, 1:2 (same goes for dried, 1:5). 1 ounce of wet plant material fills a pretty good volume as compared to 2 ounces of liquid. i mean, i've shoved it into smaller jars, like jelly jars, and i cannot seem to figure out how to tincture such an amount in a 1:2 manner. i feel like an idiot, and like i'm missing some important point, so i guess for now, until i feel less embarassed about asking such dumb questions, i'll just continue with simpler's, but this doesn't satisfy the scientist in me.

i was poking around on our insurance provider's website today, because i'm about to get a quote on new health insurance, and holy jesus, they have a HUGE section on CAM. i didn't realize i get discounts on vitamins, massages, acupuncture, nutritional counseling, etc. like, big discounts. *rubs hands together* i wonder how to get onto their provider list for massage. would probably help to be licensed, i guess, but i don't want to be until i have to be, and i'm not paying $300 to get papers through NCTMB or MBLEX until michigan decides which one is mandatory. plus, i think that also requires having an office. i'm not licensed to do business through my city, and they won't license me out of my house, i don't think. and i'm pretty sure if you're linking up with an insurance company to offer discounts to their clients in order to drum up more business for yourself, you need to not fly under the radar. just a thought, though.

re: vitamins. i was looking at the women's multivits that i get discounts on, and pass. i do not want vitex in my vitamins. nor do i want green tea leaf extract in it. a - if it's caffeinated, that'd be very bad, as i don't respond well to caffeine, typically. i try to keep my caffeinated beverage consumption to 1 cup or less a day, or else i start freaking out. b - even if it's decaffeinated, i already take a gaba/glutamate balancer with decaffeinated green tea in it, and how much is too much? i'm not hip to taking bilberry every day, either. i'm going to continue to poke around, but... eh. i was also surprised to see that they've linked up with a nutritional treatment for health issues site. not to mention, some of the "anxiety" recipes sound FANTASTIC.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Well! A goodly long time has passed, the seasons have changed a couple of times over, and we find ourselves on the cusp of spring and summer. What's old? I still have a sinus infection. (No, I kid you not.) It's not the same one, although I have had a couple between now and then. I had just kicked one over the last couple of weeks, and after this weekend it came roaring back. Why? Well, if I weren't so lazy, I'd walk over and get my Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine and start citing studies about how sugar impacts the immune system. Suffice to say, spending the weekend overindulging in tasty adult beverages was apparently not what my body had in mind, so it gave me the big middle finger, and I'm sick again.

Current protocol: nasal irrigation 1-2x daily with a saline/xylitol blend, with 15 drops of goldenseal tincture in 2 cups of water. 1 ml of an alcohol free extract of astragalus twice a day. rest, rest, rest, and lots of fluids. mullein/garlic oil in the ear. (lots of popping and squeaking when i blow my nose, doctor has affirmed that there is fluid in my ears). a vegan multivitamin/mineral supplement. and as always, a gaba/glutamate balancer to ensure i don't totally lose my mind. :) I will probably be switching astringents though, as goldenseal no longer appears to be indicated, my snot has changed from thick green and yellow to thick white. i keep meaning to run up to the local shop here and get an elecampane tincture, i hear it's fantastic for pulling out old infection, as well as catarrhal conditions that irritate the stomach/lungs, although I fear that won't come in handy this time, as it's used for yellow/green catarrh. I'd have to check with someone more experienced than me, but I think for the time being, it's a consideration best put off.

I wish I could say I've been eating well lately, but I certainly haven't. I know that doesn't boost the immune system.

So what's new, and what's good? Well, got lots of culinary/medicinal herbs planted (meaning, ones that have dual purpose as medicinal and culinary). Wes constructed two 9' x 4' raised beds for me, since our plants last year got all diseased and from what I understand, a lot of it came from the soil. Last weekend we went on a planting extravaganza, and between the culinary herb bed (which also contains beans, garlic, leeks, shallots, and onions), the small hole in our patio (which now contains evening primrose and a blueberry busy), and the boxes (which contain a laaaarge variety of vegetables), we should be all set once we get the watermelons planted. We're going to try a method culled from Mother Earth News, and plant them in 40 pound bags of organic compost with drainage holes cut in the bottom. We tried another of their no-dig planting methods when we realized that we had overbought for the beds - laid newspaper down, soaked it, covered it with topsoil, covered that with compost, and planted the remainder of the plants in there. It currently houses 4 broccoli plants and 2 kale plants. My greens are all looking a little sad right now, I've got red leaf lettuce, kale, spinach, head lettuce....and something else, I can't remember. My arugula's been planted for weeks, and is taking off quite nicely. The pepper plants look awesome, but my strawberry plants keep getting pillaged by the squirrels. Damn squirrels.

You learn something new every day. I was looking at seeds at the local hardware store, trying to find some parsnips for a fall crop, and came across cat grass. I happened to glance at the latin name for cat grass. AVENA SATIVA. ....are you kidding me? How did I not know that milky oats and cat grass are one and the same?! Delicious, indeed, and nutritive as all get out. I have dried oat straw, but I had no idea where to get fresh tops for a milky oats tincture. Guess I know where I'll be getting some now. From my garden, if I can keep the cats out of it. (Alex has taken to peeing in my raised bed...I wonder how many times I'll have to chase him out with the hose...)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

good things come in small packages.

so, i stopped getting better, got my antibiotics switched, couldn't handle it, switched back.

marsh mallow infusion mixed with salt & baking soda in a neti pot is not my idea of a good time. however, i'm definitely getting better. actually, the last couple of days, i've not been feeling too bad. still coughing up greenish/brownish goo in the morning, but other than that, no pain in the face or head except maybe some transient achiness. i'll be done with my antibiotics tomorrow. definitely got some good suggestions from the herblist.

especially one regarding nettles being drying. uhhh...i thought they were moistening. looks like i haven't been doing myself any favors there. that might explain some things. that, and the fact that nettles=magnesium. and magnesium is not good for the absorption of cephalosporins. durrr.

in addition to the neti pot, i've been downing kefir and yogurt and acidophilus like there's no tomorrow, so...that's good, i suppose.

got some mullein & garlic oil in the mail. yay! i'll probably shove a few drops in the ear tonight, it should help with the congestedness and fluid behind my ear drum. it's still there, it's just not as painful. not nasally stuffed up anymore (not that i was much to begin with). i still haven't manned up and put sesame oil in my sinuses. *shudder* plus, i only have a little tiny bit of calamus root, and i really look forward to working with it more. *sigh* i'll probably just order a little bit and infuse some sesame oil with it. how? how much? how long? dunno. i'll have to find out.

also, used the amazon.com gift certificate i got from my mom, ordered another matthew wood book and a couple by david hoffmann. *drooooool* i need to finish the matthew wood book i've been working on before i get into the second one, but i've glanced through it, and read up on wood betony. needless to say, i' m super excited to get my package from mountain rose. go go gadget wood betony! i haven't read much over the last month, since i've been sick as crap. i've been doing a little bit of reading here and there, and finally got on top of, and ahead of, my homework. picked up A Scanner Darkly by Philip K. Dick. finished it in two days. it was awesome.


ohhhhh....the garden. most of our tomatoes bit the dust after the remnants of ike charged through. too much moisture after a dry month. we got perhaps a half inch of rain in all of august, and then 5 and a half inches in 2 days! my tomatoes all got radial cracks and then became bug infested. ugh. however, my zucchini came on like gang busters, and was the most successful plant in the garden. mini harvests of beans, the melons never fruited, and my cukes croaked. a good experiment.

in two weeks, wes and i are taking a week off. first "vacation" we've had, either one of us. we're staying home and addressing all sorts of stuff - fixing the wasteful water faucet out front, and putting our raised beds in. i should probably figure out how we're going to do that. it'd be a good idea.

and now for something funny.

i got a call from credit union one today, they were looking for wes. apparently he stopped by the westland branch last night on his way home to deposit his paycheck....they think he drove off with the tube. good job, sweetie. wouldn't surprise me.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

slowly getting better.

so. you could call me a coward, and that would be ok. round two of antibiotics, FIGHT!

yep, went to the ol family care physician for the sinus infection, because it just became too much to handle on my own. a sinus infection?! too much?! yeah, i know. it's easy for me to deal with other people's illnesses and make recommendations based on what i see/feel/hear/know, but when it comes to my own maladies, my brain seems to be AWOL.

round one was amoxicillin, it did nothing, other than cause problems. went back last week and was given cefdinir, which is what wes usually gets for sinus infections, and it's working. slowly but surely. it's not causing me any problems, so there's a high compliance rate, you could say. no secondary infections, no discomfort, no gastrointestinal distress, whereas amoxicillin makes me pretty ill. the right side of my face still has transient pain, i still have blurred vision, and i'm still pretty wiped, but i'm definitely starting to feel better. also doing nasal irrigation. i have not yet tried a recommendation for sesame oil dripped down each nostril (one of the primary factors in my constitution is overwhelming dryness.) i'm being a little bit of a sissy. funnily enough, wes also went to the doctor the same day for the same problem, but he's got totally different symptoms. i've got dryness, post nasal drip, fluid in my ears, blurred vision, and severe facial pain and headaches. he's stuffy with a ton of nasal discharge, he's got an ear infection, and then also the headache and the blurred vision. same antibiotics, same amount, etc. we've both got nasal irrigation systems so we don't cross contaminate. they took his blood for allergy testing, seeing as how he's gotten so many of them, and the doctor yelled at him to get his cat scan done. (which he's put off for approximately 6 months).

met with an herbalist who i have immense respect for last week. it was fabulous. my only regret is that my donation was much smaller than i would've liked it to have been, but hopefully i'll be getting some more commissions soon, and as such, can throw a bit more his way. he gave me some excellent recommendations for all sorts of goings on, especially the anxiety/panic attack situation. i'm happy to report i haven't had a true blue panic attack since the beginning of last week. (tuesday the 16th). oh, i've definitely had some anxiety, sometimes pretty overwhelming, but nothing like the "oh god, i'm dying, i have to go to the hospital" type of panic attack.

so, he gave me a little hunk of calamus root, as it's indicated by several different issues i've got going on, and i'm playing with that a little. nibbled some of it tuesday night, went to bed, slept like the dead, woke up feeling extremely....thankful. that was nice. nibbled on a little bit more of it last night, was out cold within 1/2 an hour at the extremely early hour of quarter to 11. did not sleep well. could not wake up last night. i was just....done. didn't feel any different when i woke up this morning. calamus root is something i'm going to spend some time working at, just sitting with, and seeing it's effects. she sounds as though she could be a really amazing plant ally for me, if she'll let me.

the problem i'm currently facing is...when. when do i sit with calamus? i, of course, am a little afraid, because if i'm going to be knocked on my rear every time i nibble on the root, i can't do so while i have anything else to do. this includes work, school, parenting, personal studying, "alone time" with wes (wherein we're usually watching cartoons or playing scrabble anyway, but it's nice to just spend quiet time together). then, of course, i'm afraid of the gastrointestinal effects of "too much" calamus. of course, you'll never see me choking down 6-8 inches of root (oh man, the erowid vault for calamus...hilarity), but hey. i'm afraid of everything. and then, of course, there's the self preservation side of having been an anxious wreck for years. what would it feel like not to have anxiety anymore? and that's a little scary too. it's almost like a self defense mechanism.

so, i figure if i nibble a little bit here and there, we'll see what happens.

i've been keeping up on my bio work given to me by my new counselor, so that's a good thing. i'm usually fairly lazy when it comes to doing something that will actually take care of me and serve me, and often hit big road blocks with that. i haven't done it every day, but nearly every day, and that's more than i would've expected out of myself.

more goings on:
got my kitchen aid mixer. with a grain mill. woo hoo! good for milling flour for bread. good for brewing beer. speaking of, i've had 1/2 a beer in the last month, so that's great. being on antibiotics helps with that too, beta-lactam antibiotics + alcohol = total misery. not just beta-lactam, but several in the cephalosporin family specifically cause a disulfram-like reaction, and i don't wanna mess around.

made a couple loaves of bread with the mixer. man, did i screw that up. that's ok, that's what experimentation is for, and that's how you get good at it.

i'm taking the second week in october off, and we'll be putting in our raised beds then, and fixing the water spigot on the front of the house that's wasting water and has turned my front flower box into a swamp. if i had some more cashola, i'd be painting the living room as well.

wes and andrew are currently off stumping around the woods, and i'm sad i couldn't go with them, but my homework is two days overdue, and i really, really need to get a jumpstart on the next module.

i'm applying (again) for a student loan, this time with a cosigner, and will hopefully be able to take care of my balance with ACHS for the current class, and also hopefully will be able to take holistic pathophysiology in november. the classes that are most important for me to take with them are going to be the pathophysiology/pathology/business classes, and those are what i'm going to aim for the most over the short term. other than that, going to keep doing stuff locally, get to know our bioregion's plants, and read as much as i possibly can. it would be awesome if i had friends with similar interests/experience levels with this stuff, or a local mentor, but hey, what can i do? there's tons of email lists and forums and such that i lurk on, so...that's something. and i get to share a lot with wes, especially about wildcrafting.

speaking of wes, he'll be ordering some supplies next commission check to start doing some homegrowing mushroom stuff. we went to the bookstore last week and i happened to see Mycelium Running, by Paul Stamets. I picked it up for him, and he complained that we really didn't have the money for it, but I told him if he didn't buy it, I'd use my gift card for amazon to order it for him. He bought it. He's torn through it. I don't think I've ever seen him read so fast. I'm so happy he's found something that interests him.

man. i'm wordy.