Monday, May 14, 2012

thoughts on autonomy...

So, before i get off of my high, preachy horse, I've been thinking a lot about personal autonomy, feminism, motherhood, and attachment parenting. Oh ho, dear readers...I can't seem to pronounce autonomy right, either. I'm not an idiot, I just play one on tv.

I definitely understand the validity of choice, and am thankful for those feminists who went before me who have guaranteed such a thing. I am just having a problem with the third wave mommyhood backlash. However...

I don't see how giving up your autonomy for your children is any different than giving up your autonomy for a career. Your boss tells you what to do, how to think, what to wear, what time to show up, when you can eat, when you can leave. My bosses tell me when they're hungry or bored, and don't give a crap what I do, other than that, don't care that I may have worn the same tank top three days in a row, don't care that I eschew a razor for armpit fuzz, don't care that I eschew a trendy haircut for a buzzcut, don't care that I can't stand makeup, don't care when I eat or go to the bathroom or how I think. They don't care that our day might be spent outside, or cleaning up, or doing nothing but lazing on the couch. They are happy to be with me (in the case of little bean) or happy to have their freedom to do as they please (in the case of big moyashi). I am background noise, which leaves me the opportunity to coexist, enjoy my time with them, and then enjoy my time in their proximity doing my own thing.

I don't get up and spend time in rush hour traffic, I get up when little bean decides she's hungry and awake. I don't have high powered corporate three martini lunches. I eat out of tupperware standing up in the kitchen or try to keep chubby baby hands out of my lunch. I may eat lunch at 11. I may eat lunch at 4. I eat when I'm hungry. And the housekeeping? Or the "woman's work"? Man, you're gonna do that anyway. You have to do your laundry, why not do some more? You're gonna have to clean your bathroom too. Or you're going to have money to pay someone else to do it, and frankly, the opportunity cost to make enough money to hire a housekeeper is far higher than what I'd gain. I don't do the cooking here, so I can't speak to that.

I guess it comes around to what you value. I *do* value being able to make a living. Trust me, I've done it. I was the breadwinner for our family for quite some time before the current arrangement. I like this a hell of a lot better.

Just some thoughts. Next up...a return to our regularly scheduled programming. Crafts, food, the usual.

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